Oh! So Rouge!

Sounds fabulous! Sounds French! Sounds yummy, oui? Um, no.

To those unfamiliar with the word, let me introduce you:

rogue (rōg)
noun
1.a rascal; scoundrel
2. unprincipaled; deceitful; unreliable
3. varying markedly from the standard

transitive verb (roguing)
1. to destroy

adjective

1.acting in defiance of established laws, customs, etc.
2. operating outside of normal or desirable controls
3. destructive, anomalous, unpredictable

Yeah.  That about sums up my project.  

I present to you The Rouge Clock.

I found this seemingly innocent little clock at a local thrift store a few weeks before Christmas.  I wasn't really sure if it worked or what I wanted to do with it, but I knew under all it's peach and hunter green crackle paint goodness, there had to be some potential. I slapped my dollar on the counter and hauled it home. My first thought was to paint it a colonial red and use it in my livingroom.

I decided to put this project on the back burner until after the holidays but before I put it away, I doodled a checked pattern on it with a pencil to see if I liked the idea of a black and white check instead. Seemed reasonable enough. It was while I was doodling, that I turned the clock upside down and discovered that someone named Anne had been the last one to trod this path because there in all the peach and hunter green crackled goodness it said simply "Anne 1997." This clock had it's current decor for 13 years. Good thing I am not superstituous.

So yesterday, at exactly 6:23:43 PM, I entered into a battle of the wills with said clock. After searching both high and low for my paint can opener thingy (yes, that is the official name) and not finding it, I resorted to the next best thing.

 

Nail clippers. Cause I'm clever like that, and stuff.

 I gathered all the essential tools to complete the task, like any good crafter would. An ultra precise mixing cup of just the right custom mixed paint; a screwdriver that was too large to remove the screws from the back of the clock (No worries. I can paint around that part. Famous last words.); and last but not least, my cell phone, in case I needed to call for back up, ever so carefully placed out of harm's way. Uhem.

Okay, so now that all of the "proper" equipment was assembled, I got busy and went at this project with all I had. 

 I really put my heart and soul and fingers into it. Pay no attention to that small discolored blob to the left of the clock face. Nor the other one that is on the ridge along the top of the clock. Nor the fact that the clock is sitting upside down to dry. Those are none of your concern.

If you will notice in the above picture, the little part that you can see of the clock hand tells us that it is sometime before 11 PM. Go ahead and crank your head around so you can see it.  I'll wait. (insert Jeopardy music here.)

 I had just finished painting the bottom of the clock and was sitting back to admire my handiwork when I noticed the discolored blobs and freaked out just a wee bit, grabbed the bottom of the clock that I had just painted (!?!?) and attempted to flip it upright so that I could fix the blobs.  Did I mention it was almost 11 PM?

In this photo you will notice some of the more technical tools that any good crafter has in his/her stash: emery boards and box cutters; used for removing (say it with me) "discolored blobs!" Very good!

So, after touching up the finger smudges in the paint, I sat the beast clock upright once again, to allow the lovely, soft, French Blue paint to...

That's not French Blue!  That's not lovely or soft either. This anomoly looked like it had just finished baking in the hot Jamaican sun.  It might be Bahama Breeze, or Barbados Blue, (both lovely colors in their own right) but that is definately not French Blue.  See my lovely, soft, ever so delicate tin?

That is French Blue. To quote Tim Gunn : "Egads!"

By the way, it took me all of a minute and fifteen seconds to find and photograph a comparison for you. This project came with a built in time lapse photography upgrade.  Who knew?

Okay, insert plan B here. Like I said the other day, I do a lot of Plan B projects around this place. I wasn't aware that I would be predicting my not so distant future.  Again, who knew?

Plan B: Whitewash.

Better.  Still not great. And why is it always upside down? 11:37 PM.  I have now been at this project for 5 hours, 14 minutes, and 27 seconds. My brain is on overload and I need to walk away.  I need to gather my thoughts.  I need to... hey, we have...

...White Chocolate Macadamia Nut Cookies!!!

Sorry, I got sidetracked.  We now return you to your regularly scheduled program, "The Devil's Time Piece." "The Rogue Clock".  Same difference.

While scarfing down slowly savoring the very last one of our cookies (a gift from a friend, thanks Audrey!) I came up with the idea of trying yet another application of crackle paint on this clock. I figured, heck, it lasted 13 years on the previous paint job, if you can't beat em' join em'!

Who am I kidding? This clock had so many cracks, crevices and pock marks that crackle paint was the only thing I could come up with to disguise this hot mess of a project. Besides, I HATE sanding. There, I said it.

This is a lot like watching paint dry. Ha! I crack myself up.

Actually, I was trying to get a photo of the crackle paint application, just in case this project actually turned out and I turned it into a fancy schmancy tutorial.  Like that's gonna happen.

One thing I can tell you, is that when you work with crackle paint, you have to work fast.  The bottle says to not let it dry completely, just until tacky. Plenty of that here on this project. How did they know? Spooky, right?

So after applying the crackle paint, I painted over top of it with vanilla something or other (trust me, you are not going to copy this project, so you don't really need to know the exact color, m'kay?) and let it do it's thang. A little crackle here, a big crackle there, here a crackle, there a crackle, everywhere a crackle, crackle. Yeah. You should see me Hokey Pokey.

On a side note, I would like to ask McDonalds to mind their own bee's wax. Do they really want to know how "we" are doing?  I have my phone right here, Ronald, and I am not afraid to use it! What is this, one of those help lines like on a Butterball Turkey???  I think not. The nerve!  How are we doing. Hmph!

Now look what you made me do, Ronald! I need a new clean up rag.  I left one in the laundry room by the paint I was using the other day...

Well would ya' looky there.  My paint can opener thingy.  Who would have thought to look for it by the can of paint?

So, as a final attempt at trying to redeem any part of this project, I got out my metallic gold paint and did some dry brushing. At this point, my hands were so covered in paint that I quit taking pictures. There was no way I was ever going to show this project on my blog.  Finally, I threw my hands up and shouted Uncle at the ceiling.  I put away all my junk highly technical craft supplies and went to upload the pictures.

Then, the strangest thing happened.  When I uploaded them, I kinda, sorta, in the smallest of ways, actually liked the last one. The one with the drybrushed gold. Is there maybe an inkling of hope that I could pull this project back from the brink of doom? Could it be rescued from the jaws of death? Could I be any more melodramatic about a craft project gone wrong???

You tell me. 

I will leave it up to you my dear readers.  All three of you. (Hi, Mom!)

Seriously, I am linking this post up to a bunch of places this week to hopefully get some feedback on whether or not this project deserves any more time wasted on it.

Do I continue on my path? Do I pitch it? Do I sign the bottom of it "Lisa 2010" and return it to the thrift store from whence it came? (I can't help but think that Anne owes me an apology and a dollar.) Be sure to leave me a comment below and let me know your vote. Oh, and if you're so inclined, you could sign up to follow my blog too.  Afterall, what harm could it do, you followed me on this adventure and survived, didn't you? Besides, when I get to 50 followers, I am going to be hosting a giveaway.  I am thinking about giving away a clock. :)

I can't wait to hear what ya'll have to say.  (No, I am not from the south, but I lived in Texas for three years, so I am allowed to say ya'll if I want to). I am serious about the giveaway though (not serious about the clock), so stay tuned! I will be busy gathering my next arsenal, just in case. It involves embroidered trim, rubber stamps and a few other tricks I have up my sleeve. I am already working on Plan C. It happens.

Linking up to:

Between Naps on the Porch

Cottage Instincts

Twice Remembered

The Girl Creative

Making the World Cuter

It's So Very Cheri

The Persimmon Perch

Domestically Speaking

 

Til next time!

Lisa