I never was any good at Algebra, but bear with me, because I think I got this equation right.
Today I got to partake in the experience of my first mammogram. I am convinced that the whole process was invented by a man. It had to be. No woman would ever invent such a monstrocity of a machine with the intention of voluntarily sticking her own tender body parts in it only to smash them beyond recognition. He knew, I tell ya, he knew that as long as it was for body parts he didn't have, that it would never come back to haunt him. I now think that there should be a machine of equal torture for men and I intend to get started on inventing it as soon as this aching subsides and I can think straight once again. And, for the record, I don't think they will ever be the same. I am hoping that someday they will forgive me. I am also swearing off pancakes for the time being.
So, as I was